Saturday, February 14, 2009
Love Bites
This week, we learnt all about Interpersonal Communications in class, how apt for the lead-up to Valentine's Day. Going by the assumption that most (probably all) readers would have had more experience in the love department compared to me, this week's discussion topic should be a piece of cake! As such, let's move straight on to the discussion topic: Is relational development an art to be mastered, or a branch of science to be perfected ?
Okay, so I jest. After all, most of us would probably not be able to answer that without attempting to draft an entire process essay. Instead, for this week's discussion, I shall gift my beloved readers 2 genres to choose from :
a) Relationships or Interpersonal Communications
b) Non-verbal Communications (Since it's fun to play with!)
(a) Before I continue further, let us do a quick recap on the Knapp Model of Relational Development.
Coming Together
Initiating:
Initial interactions that occur when individuals first begin to come together
Experimenting:
Individuals attempt to 'feel each other out'.
Intensifying:
Marked by increased commitment, awareness and participation amongst the individuals involved. Typically marks the first substantial overt disclosure of feelings to the other person.
Integrating:
Melding or coupling of individual character and personality into the relational unit. In other words, thinking 'we' and 'us' instead of 'I'.
Bonding:
Formalizes the obligation and commitment of the individuals in the relationship, for example through marriage.
Coming Apart
Differentiating:
Reaffirmation of Individuality.
Circumscribing:
Decrease in both the quantity and quality of communication between relational partners. Devolves to the next step.
Stagnating:
Partners simply going through the motion of a relationship, with the emotional rewards associated with a healthy relationship being absent.
Avoiding:
Partners avoid each other, withdrawing both emotionally as well as physically.
Terminating:
Goodbye.
Although most relationships tend to follow the resolution or dissolution stages progressively, sometimes, it is not easy to slot a relationship into any of the stages. Take for example two friends who become mutually aware that each has feelings for the other yet they are reluctant to take the relationship deeper for fear of being hurt, perhaps due to horrible past experiences. To even have reached the stage of mutual like, they should have had experienced the first 2 stages at least, be it even at a subconscious level. Do we then classify this as just a normal friendship, or a sort of stagnant coming together ?
Of course, relationships tend to be a lot more complicated and this being an extremely brief summary, does not touch upon every single detail.
Moving on to the fun part, what are your thoughts about the relationships shown in the following videos ? Can they be classified into any of the stages above, if not, how would you describe them ? Are there any gestures in particular that you like ?
(b) If you'd rather attempt to spot non-verbal cues, there are a lot of varieties shown in the 2 videos above. Are you able to point out at least 4 different ones and the feelings they represent ?
To refresh your memory, types of nonverbal communication are: Kinesics, Paralinguistics, Chronemics, Objectics, Oculesics, Haptics, Proxemics and Physical appearance.
If you happen to have more free time, I would like to challenge you to identify at least 2 different types of emotions portrayed within the following song (ex. hatred). Since most readers would not understand the language, it might provide a good example of how paralinguistics work.
I apologize if the post this time round is draggy, but more importantly, I hope that you readers will have fun with it!
10 comments:
Hello elmo's friend! :D
I'm the very first to comment on this post! Before I start commenting on anything, I felt a little amused by you separating your post into (a) and (b) actually. Haha!
With regards to your question in part (a), I felt that it wasn't really a "normal" friendship afterall since there were already some stuff occuring in between them. However, if one party decides to end it some way or another (be it nonverbally or verbally), then I guess it would just be that they may be skipping all the steps and jumping directly to the "coming apart" stages. So, I wouldn't say that it is so much of the "normal" kind of friendship or the "stagnent" coming together.
As for (b), I don't really have much of an opinion. :x perhaps it's due to the fact that I understand the language? Hmmm.
But, overall, the illustrations you gave for both parts are perfect examples I would say. :)
Heya Ben **
Arh Shermin is 1st to post this entry....
Ben, ur entry is organised and structured in real good ways. It's wonderful that you placed the recap of theories learned and then ask readers to analyse and give comments. Haha, if I'm not wrong the 1st clip is from 1 million of tears which is a Japan drama series tat came out a years ago??...It's a very tearful episode to see them parting away cuz of the girl's illness.
In fact, the Knapp model is well visble in this scenario.
And for the next clip, I do identify the 4 on-verbal cues. It'll be exciting if you can give the answers..." I really read ur post thouroughly' Woohoo..Quoted^^
Anw, Thanks for your post and think you could add in more application statements and explaination, so that ur readers can use it to revise for "exams".....hahah...Kidding. So that your readers can get a full bigger picture of ur entry. =)
Cheers!
Why am I Elmo's friend -.-
Haha, I'll probably post 'answers' (or rather, my own thoughts) in the future when there are more guesses!
"Are there any gestures in particular that you like ?" I'm going to answer this one myself, since it was one of the reasons I put this particular clip up.
What caught my eye in particular, was when Aso-kun was berating himself for being so helpless, Aya-chan put aside her own pain to reassure and comfort him, even though she herself wanted comforting just moments before. IMHO, it was a really sweet gesture on her part.
For the first video, the guy turned his back away from the girl and tried acting cool (Differentiating ), I guess he was trying to avoid her when she tried recounting the good times. The guy made himself look guilty and it seems there’s some underlying reason he can’t be with the girl. This can be inferred from the fact that no matter how hard the girl tried to persuade him to “turn back” to her; he refuses and gave her crappy reasons (I know, how could he reject such a hottie, BOOOOO!). Yup, it pretty much follows the stages Benji gave, actually I like the last part when the guy broke down, its shows how much he loves the girl and couldn’t bear to part with her.
In the second video, I like the part where the guy turned back and hugged her after they bade farewell. In my opinion I found this video to differ from the points in “Coming Apart”. Instead of ending off with a formal farewell, the guy gave the girl a hope of reconciliation. Overall, I preferred the first video coz, it kinda touched me although I din watch the series, furthermore it was realistic to me compared to the 2nd one and that girl is hot(ok I admit this is the main reason).
And lastly, for the song listened to it twice but I really catch no ball >.<.
O YA BENJI COME TO THINK OF IT, I U USED TO PLAY THE SONG FROM THE 1ST VIDEO IN OUR BUNK. 8o)
Well, it was a popular song! 'Konayuki' by Remioromen. Anyway, the girl's name is Sawajiri Erika if you wanna' look her up, lol.
Hey Man!
With regards to japanese romance shows, i must really take my hat off to the push/pull dynamic that the male lead pulls of to create an emotional roller-coaster effect. The whole i-like-you/i-like-you-not thingy. Add a love triangle and then conveniently die of cancer/(insert debillitating illness here).
No wonder girls like this kind of shows!
Yay! I likey-likey this post...Because there's a clip from Ichi Rittoru no Namida! haha..
*cough-cough* On to the comment. Well, my view is a bit different from Mr/Ms ym. I don't really think the scene pictured wholly coming apart stages. As many have known, these stages don't come chronologically. So, from my point of view, this clip pictured a mixture of the coming together and the coming apart stages.
There's a hint of self-disclosure in this scene which belongs to the 'Experimenting' stage of coming together when Asou-kun disclosed his true feeling to Aya. And there's some relational challenges found here too! 'Differences' that is... They're different in opinions as well as physical condition which leads to the separation... (sad...)
Well, that's what I have concluded anyway...
*Random things!* Farhan, not only girls like those doramas...A lot of my guy friends like them too! XD
YM is a Mister, a very tall and quiet Mister.
Off topic, Konayuki is best listened to on rainy days. Fits the mood.
No serious commentary here. Completed my quota of 2 serious postings for Ben. Brain NOT WORKING ANYMORE!
In the animated clip, you can observe haptics as the guy puts his hand to his head in awkwardness, as the girl pushes him away and paralinguistics showing mild anger in the tone of her voice. Proxemics is also observed in the hug.
In the song clip, we have desperation/anxiety at the beginning, when the female voice calls 'Leon . . . Leontius!' and around 3:50, you can hear hatred. Around 4:36+, you can hear the sadness in the mother's voice as she steps in the halt the fight.
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